HOLD ON LOOSELY

I sit here right now and consider what has been lost in my lack of writing and blogging over the past many years. What fraught moments, miraculous minutes, or meaningful memories have not been recorded. Like the African sunset which slips away like water in your hands, those stories are gone I fear. 

I can not really attest to why I stopped writing, but I did. Maybe ministry overtook my “me” time. Maybe I felt like the relationships were too new or life to raw. There was definitely dry land between my pen and I and there was a sense from God to go ahead and let it be. There is a time for everything (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8). 

I have been back in the states for over 2 years now. When I was preparing to return to the states, I was asking God what He had for me here beside our continued ministry in Africa. For those that know, it became obvious that our moms would need us but I knew there was more. I felt a nudge to write again and speak a bit more. The funny thing about God is He doesn’t really reveal His timeline. Here I sit 2 1/2 years in to our stateside chapter and I think this is the 2nd time I have sat down to put pen to paper. 

As I have pondered this desert, I have also seen a pattern of other activities in my life that have ebbed and flowed, things that had been a fruitful part of my days or weeks and then poof, no more. Seasons. Chapters. Transition. Change. 

Seasons remind us different is good. Chapters lead us on to the unfolding story before us. Transition grows us and keeps us on our toes. Change reminds us who is really in charge. Our lives, our routines, our priorities, shift. Africa did and still does remind me to hold things loosely. 

I thought I would blog heavily when we were on the ground in Zambia but what I realize now is that I wrote those moments, miracles, and memories on my heart not on paper. And that is ok. They rest there where I hold them carefully, remembering what made those moments special. They are not lost, they are found inside of me. 

With all that missionary life throws us, what it gives and what it takes, knowing that God is in control and with us makes all the difference. We accept the sunsets; the closing of one chapter to another but in Africa you never know what the new sunrise will bring. Endless hope hangs on the colors of each morning. Maybe my blog will rise again soon. Maybe this is the start. 

What looks like a sunset right now in your life? What might feel like a sunrise?