HOLD ON LOOSELY

I sit here right now and consider what has been lost in my lack of writing and blogging over the past many years. What fraught moments, miraculous minutes, or meaningful memories have not been recorded. Like the African sunset which slips away like water in your hands, those stories are gone I fear. 

I can not really attest to why I stopped writing, but I did. Maybe ministry overtook my “me” time. Maybe I felt like the relationships were too new or life to raw. There was definitely dry land between my pen and I and there was a sense from God to go ahead and let it be. There is a time for everything (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8). 

I have been back in the states for over 2 years now. When I was preparing to return to the states, I was asking God what He had for me here beside our continued ministry in Africa. For those that know, it became obvious that our moms would need us but I knew there was more. I felt a nudge to write again and speak a bit more. The funny thing about God is He doesn’t really reveal His timeline. Here I sit 2 1/2 years in to our stateside chapter and I think this is the 2nd time I have sat down to put pen to paper. 

As I have pondered this desert, I have also seen a pattern of other activities in my life that have ebbed and flowed, things that had been a fruitful part of my days or weeks and then poof, no more. Seasons. Chapters. Transition. Change. 

Seasons remind us different is good. Chapters lead us on to the unfolding story before us. Transition grows us and keeps us on our toes. Change reminds us who is really in charge. Our lives, our routines, our priorities, shift. Africa did and still does remind me to hold things loosely. 

I thought I would blog heavily when we were on the ground in Zambia but what I realize now is that I wrote those moments, miracles, and memories on my heart not on paper. And that is ok. They rest there where I hold them carefully, remembering what made those moments special. They are not lost, they are found inside of me. 

With all that missionary life throws us, what it gives and what it takes, knowing that God is in control and with us makes all the difference. We accept the sunsets; the closing of one chapter to another but in Africa you never know what the new sunrise will bring. Endless hope hangs on the colors of each morning. Maybe my blog will rise again soon. Maybe this is the start. 

What looks like a sunset right now in your life? What might feel like a sunrise? 

FAITHFUL

The text, the news, the shock. Then there was the changing of airline tickets, the packing, the quick goodbyes, and the realization I was leaving my home in Zambia and it would no longer be mine when I came back periodically. I was going back to the states to take care of my mom. This seemed like a dream, a nightmare really. My mom was healthy, spry, worked out, and ate well. This was not the plan…but who are we to think we have things figured out? 

Though the transition of moving back to the states was already in process, this was not. New roles with our organization were taking us stateside and I had not even had the time to really process that yet, let alone having to leave at the drop of a hat. Brief tears trickled down my face as my husband closed the gate and my home disappeared behind the 10 foot tall metal doors as he drove me to the airport. That was all I had time for because we needed to talk about everything we could in the hour plus drive to put me on a plane. There was no time for tears. Not yet.  

I was going back to my mom’s house, not my house, because we didn’t have one. I was leaving the only home I felt like was mine in the past 8 years, at least. Believe it or not Zambia was a place of stability for me. A place that I called home. And now I was going back to uncertainty again, not just with my mom, but for my husband and I. We did not have any idea where we were going to live when we did plan on coming back and now that was a glaring reality. We also did not know how we were going to afford to live back in the states on our support or how God was going to provide a vehicle for us. There were so many questions, so many unknowns. 

I’ll be honest, the thought of dealing with not having a home, financial instability, and the health of my mom was taking a toll. I had done all this before and I felt like I had done my time. I wanted to arrive in the states with a home, a car, health, and security wrapped up in a box with a bow neatly tied on top. 

That did not happen. But in the weeks that followed and in the waiting on God, He showed me once and again, that He is faithful. He is enough. If you are feeling like your whole world is in upheaval, sit at the feet of the Father and be reminded that He loves you more than anything and He will do for you what is best in His eyes for His glory and honor. 

There is much more to this story, and the ending is still being written, but I sit now in a house God has provided for us to rent (with our two dogs!), a vehicle that is going to be given to us in a couple weeks, and my mom who is in good spirits in spite of many challenges. Jehovah-Jireh. 

MY WORD FOR THE SEASON-PEACE

Earlier this month I pulled out my little pathetic pipe cleaner like fake Christmas tree and the few ornaments that would hang on it. As I emptied the small box of ornaments out came a silver ornament that spelled peace. As I hung that on my tree, I knew God was confirming that as my word for the season. But He was confirming so much more. 

I haven’t done a, “word of the season,” for a few years and I’m not exactly sure why. Maybe I was too distracted, or maybe it was because it doesn’t feel like Christmas here as much. There aren't very many opportunities to be reminded that it is even the Christmas season here besides the few Christmas decorations in malls in Lusaka. No one decorates in Chongwe, there are no special programs, or parties, nothing special even at churches. It does force you to be very intentional when it is not all around you. And so it is a blessing. There is not the fuss, or busyness, or the materialism of it here. There is just the nativity in my house and my little fake tree that remind me it is Christmas time. 

Time to reflect on why God sent His Son to earth….to be Peace for us. Not a fake peace  as the world gives but real Peace in the very person of Jesus (John 16:33). Peace is a Person. Peace is only found in Jesus and through His saving work on the cross. It is not found anywhere else. All other appearances of peace are fake, unfounded, or not lasting. The true peace we have in our lives is a direct reflection of our relationship with Christ, because the Spirit in us is the Spirit of Christ (Romans 8:9,10). 

The reality is though that most of us are searching for peace in all the wrong places or people. We want peace in the world, in our communities, in our relationships, or in our families, but only Christ can bring and be Peace to us in this world filled with trouble. Peace in the Person of Jesus Christ is eternal peace because He is eternal and therefore we can rest in Jesus for all the things that truly matter. 

If you want to figure out if you are trusting in Jesus for your peace ask him to bring the sword into your life (Matt. 10:34). Oswald Chambers states that, “thousands of people in this world profess to be happy without God. But if we could be truly happy and moral without Jesus, then why did He come? He came because that kind of happiness and peace is only superficial. Jesus Christ came to “bring…a sword” through every kind of peace that is not based on a personal relationship with Himself.” 

Trusting God to bring that kind of “peace” (the sword) into your life is to trust in the goodness of God. Let Jesus show you where you are not resting in Him to be your true Peace this Christmas Season. Move toward Peace. Move toward Jesus. 

Merry Christmas! Immanuel-God with us. 

FOR THE ONE...

 

As Easter approaches, we are pondering the sacrifice of our Lord and Savior to humble Himself and die on a cross, shedding His blood for us, for me. I think of the fact that I was on His heart when He went to the cross because He foreknew me. He died for me, for you, for Esther who was just saved by this same work of Jesus last week at our youth Bible study here in Zambia. He died for the world and yet He died for the one. It is that “one” that we are here for. It is the “one” that we all get to celebrate, not only here but for eternity. 

Our heart is for the one that no one else sees. The one that is invisible to the world around them. Join us in praying for all the “ones” who need education, opportunity, business training, encouragement, prayer, a Biblical study, a mentor, a micro loan, agriculture training, a paying job, tutoring, ESL training, marriage help, a good book, or a hug. But most importantly, they need the ONE who stooped low to make a way for us to be reconciled to a holy God. 

Pray with us and for us as we continue to push people toward the ONE true God who’s wrath we deserve but His Son paid the price for. We desire so much for the community of Chibolya and are so grateful for the support and prayer from everyone! We are dreaming big with God for the future and pray you will join us in prayer and financial help to reach the one, like Esther, who happened to come to our house for youth Bible Study, and was able to learn about the true saving power of God through His Son, Jesus. May this amazing Easter truth make it’s way into more hearts here. Thank you for being a part of all the “ones” here in Zambia. 

 The Pilgrims….it conjures up a picture in our minds of those white collared travelers to the New Land. During this time of year we reminisces on the story. The story of those who left one place and journeyed to another. Risking it all for religious freedom. Following God out of their “exile” in Europe. We many times think back on this and yet are so far removed from it that it becomes just the story we celebrate but what if that pilgrim history became our pilgrim identity? 

This pilgrim history goes so much farther back though. Back to Abraham and the call to leave what he had to go to where God was calling him. The journey of Abraham and his descendants end up in exile though, but we can’t stay in Egypt, even though many times it seems safer. 

We must not get comfortable, we must follow that wanderlust with the God who calls us to journey with Him through the wilderness to the promise land. Learning to trust, learning more about Him, learning that He provides, and learning that He is the only God that is worthy of our praise. 

In the book, Wander, by Michelle Van Loon, she reminds us that, “Godly contentment will keep us in a state of discontentment with the world around us. It will help us recognize temporary comforts such as a full stomach and a safe place in which to lay our heads are not the destination in our lives. Godly contentment makes pilgrims out of us.” 

The call begins as it did for us, in a still small voice to follow. A call to set out and trust the same God who called Abraham and Moses. Then there is ultimate journey of our Lord and Savior who left heaven  and came to earth and followed a path to the cross for us. 

Are we willing to identify as a pilgrim? During this Thanksgiving week, let’s ponder our pilgrim identity and our willingness to journey with the God who calls us to this. 

The world outside was so quiet. The sound of the wind going through the pine trees and the birds chirping prepared my heart for the prayer retreat I was about to embark on. I had wondered what I should be focusing on in this time with God and what questions I should be asking. But what came to be so evident is that I just needed to focus on Him. That was it. I did not need any questions answered or dilemmas fixed. He was all I needed in the craziness of what 2020 has become. Don't get me wrong, there were plenty of things I wanted answers to, but being captivated by God makes everything else fade away. 

He is God, the starmaker, the soulwaker, the God I can’t take my eyes off of. Does God have that pull for you? That amazing attraction that you can’t stop looking at? What if we never dropped our gaze to the distractions of this earth? The lyrics of this song by Phil Wickham were the starting point for my retreat. This is who I can rest in despite all that is going on. And in this truth, the truth of who God is, I laid down my life again as His servant, surrendered and satisfied, not needing answers or a plan or a path for the future, just Him….

As my mom says, “I am living for an audience of ONE.” Are you living for an audience of ONE? The ONE? Who are you preforming for? Who are you trying to please? Who are you needing? Who or what has pulled your eyes away from the the ONE that is high above, “wrapped in light and crowned in love?” May we, more so now than ever before, keep our eyes on the only ONE who is sovereign, holy, just, merciful, loving, truthful, and holds this earth in His Creator hands. 

Starmaker

Standing high above

Wrapped in light and crowned in love

Dark shaker

It trembles at your name

And here with you we are amazed

[Pre-Chorus]

And I can't look away

I am captivated

What else can I say

But sing in adoration

[Chorus]

You are holy

You are holy

High above the earth

You are holy

You are holy

High above the earth

[Verse 2]

Creator

What mysteries you hold

Your words worth more than wells of gold

Soulwaker

You bring our hearts to life

And here with you we're satisfied

Link to song-  Starmaker

GOODBYE DURING COVID-19

I woke up that morning and could not breathe. I felt like I was totally unprepared for what was happening that day.  I looked at his room scattered with clothes, suitcases, and his backpack ready for international travel. He had done this before, our youngest and only son, the year before. He had travelled by himself back home from Zambia for 6 weeks. The difference then, he had come back. This time he was leaving for adulthood, for his summer home to work before he heads off to college. This was goodbye. 

I think all that had transpired before this is what made it so hard. Covid-19 made it hard. When we had made the concession to let Carter, our son, go home early before we would head home for a summer furlough back in November of 2019, it was a different time. When there was no talk of Covid-19, no flight interruptions, no economies falling apart, and no mass world uncertainty. There were going to be family and friends he was going to stay with, a job at a summer camp that would start in May, and a planned send off to college in the fall.

Our plans were turned sideways. By March we were holding our breath that his April flight would still be ok. We wondered if we should “get him out now.” As so many other expats were doing. But where would he go back to? Everyone was on lock down. Come April our fear was realized as his flight was cancelled. We then had to make the decision of whether or not to wait for that ticket and flight to “come back” (realizing it probably wasn’t) or cancel and book a new ticket, a new ticket at 4 times the cost. The world was acting crazy and we didn’t know what to do. The emails were “get out now” and we knew our son needed to get back regardless of what he was going back to. We prayed and I (notice I didn’t say, "we") wrung my hands for more than a week as we went back and forth on getting him out on the only airline left flying out of Zambia. I finally swallowed hard, and we did it. We then had four days to get him ready to go. Four days that I did not spend preparing myself. I did make his favorite meals and we played games and got his favorite shawarma in town, but I did not think about what this send off truly was.

It all happened so fast and all of a sudden we were sending him off on a lone plane out of our host country to go home to a mass pandemic to live with his sister who had also had her life turned upside down by this. The secure jobs they both had set up for the summer were all but a hopeful dream at this point, and the graduation party we wanted to have for Carter seems like it might be online at this point. The plan of staying till September on furlough was to get him settled at college for his first year and move our daughter back to college as well; seems like wishful thinking right now that anyone will be going back to college in September. What are they/we supposed to do? Leave them to what? To where? 

Sending your youngest off on a plane at the mid-end of his senior year in high school to start his adult life was hard to begin with, but put all this in the mix and this mom was really a mess;) I am not usually like this. I have always been about growing our kids up to be independent. But this was hard. I am so glad that I can cry out to my God who hears me and understands. So glad to have family and friends (and a good member care counselor!!) who I could ask for prayer from. 

All this uncertainty reminds those of us who are in Christ that we are part of an unshakable kingdom. Cared for by a God who is still on his throne. And a clear reminder that this is not our true home. Goodbyes in all forms are happening right now, change is happening right now, the future is not certain, but we serve a God who is worthy of our hello every morning, who is unchanging, and who is certain about where this world is going. Let’s rest in that right now.

Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire. Hebrews 12:28