I sit here this morning, gazing out from the Lake Geneva Library to the lake it is named after. The lush grass and the bright green leaves swaying in the breeze boast of mid-summer in the Mid-West. The farmers market is bustling down the street where I grabbed a cinnamon role to savor. The water is quite calm for a summer morning here and the boats bob in the bay waiting for their owners to take them out. Truly picturesque. 

I told myself that when I got back from my trip to Zambia, I would soak in all that summer has to offer here now that it is already half over. Trying to accept the blessing of living here. It’s hard though. While I love that we get to live here for now, knowing that God has us here for not only recruiting new leaders for ministry but to care for our moms as well, I’m torn. I tried to put it into words last August on my prayer retreat. It came out in a kind of poem. I say, “kinda” as I’m not sure it follows any rules or parameters of a poem but it is words my heart tries to understand. Emotions I give to God to filter. It is the tension of holding two worlds I love in my heart and knowing that neither of them are where I ultimately belong. Here it is- 

The beauty makes me mad

Green and blue clear water against a perfect MidWest sky

The blessing makes it even harder

I can reach out and touch family and friends here, everything is at arms length

I know, God, this is supposed to make it easier

But my soul reaches out for the dark, muddy, unknown waters of Africa

The dusty atmosphere that creates a blood red sky

Relishing in the sweaty skin that suggest time with a friend in the African afternoon

I long for the dust trail behind my Toyota that signifies a dirt road to someplace magical

Balancing moments that hold eternal significance with my sisters in Christ on the other side of the world, and my sisters here

I am a visitor in the place that should be home and at home where I should be a visitor

But this I know, You God, are creating a place for me that will be so perfect I will not want for anything

So in the here and now, You are enough between earthly worlds that I straddle and the eternal home where I belong 

Tick Tock

Time is a tricky thing. It is said that you can not get back time. Once it is gone it is gone. We all know this but is it evident in how we live? I'm not sure. Time controls us while itself not able to be controlled. We can't stop it, or hold it back, or fast forward it. It is what it is. Our Creator gives it to us as a gift. Allowing us to be a part of His world, stewarding well all things, including time. The time we are given represents our lives. Lives as His children bought and paid for by the blood of His Son. Lives that use the time given to worship God and live with purpose for His Name sake. But at some point our time ends. 

I have watched many people die. Some of died better than others. Death has once again happened near me and is also shadowing two other lives close to me. I have become very aware of the way in which time on this earth ends for us. I notice the focus of the person as they get sicker, or older, or more aware of their mortality. Is it clearly fixed on the Lord or are they distracted by earthly issues?

I can see the face of a woman in Zambia who wanted nothing else but to pray for people and worship the Lord on her death bed. Or the concern of another older woman who just wanted her whole family to know the Lord and for them to be saved. Prayer, singing, gratitude. I remember the sweet story my mom told me of my dad who was up in the middle of the night signing one of his favorite hymns when he only had days to live. 

While none of these lives were lived out perfectly, they knew who God was and who they were in light of that. God's grace shown through. Goals for dying well. 

But let's talk about how we are living. Now, I'm not going to get into a lengthy debate on eschatology, but I do believe that time is of the essence these days. It is not just that I feel myself getting older and that my life is half over (if I live a full life), but I do feel a very real sense of urgency to get busy with the work of God's kingdom. In every sense, am I encouraging the saints, preaching the gospel, discipling those God has put in front of me, and living a life that is poured out for the poor, the lost, and the sick? How am I using the time afforded me to bring LIFE to those dying? 

One of the verses I pray for the community in Zambia is John 10:10- "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." Life, full, abundant life. That is what Christ offers. And that is what I want to share with everyone around me. Life-let's live it and give it. 

Who needs to hear this message so that they can not only live fully but die faithfully? I pray that I will finish my race well someday and say with confidence, "for to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." Philippians 1:21. 

How are you living?

HOLD ON LOOSELY

I sit here right now and consider what has been lost in my lack of writing and blogging over the past many years. What fraught moments, miraculous minutes, or meaningful memories have not been recorded. Like the African sunset which slips away like water in your hands, those stories are gone I fear. 

I can not really attest to why I stopped writing, but I did. Maybe ministry overtook my “me” time. Maybe I felt like the relationships were too new or life to raw. There was definitely dry land between my pen and I and there was a sense from God to go ahead and let it be. There is a time for everything (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8). 

I have been back in the states for over 2 years now. When I was preparing to return to the states, I was asking God what He had for me here beside our continued ministry in Africa. For those that know, it became obvious that our moms would need us but I knew there was more. I felt a nudge to write again and speak a bit more. The funny thing about God is He doesn’t really reveal His timeline. Here I sit 2 1/2 years in to our stateside chapter and I think this is the 2nd time I have sat down to put pen to paper. 

As I have pondered this desert, I have also seen a pattern of other activities in my life that have ebbed and flowed, things that had been a fruitful part of my days or weeks and then poof, no more. Seasons. Chapters. Transition. Change. 

Seasons remind us different is good. Chapters lead us on to the unfolding story before us. Transition grows us and keeps us on our toes. Change reminds us who is really in charge. Our lives, our routines, our priorities, shift. Africa did and still does remind me to hold things loosely. 

I thought I would blog heavily when we were on the ground in Zambia but what I realize now is that I wrote those moments, miracles, and memories on my heart not on paper. And that is ok. They rest there where I hold them carefully, remembering what made those moments special. They are not lost, they are found inside of me. 

With all that missionary life throws us, what it gives and what it takes, knowing that God is in control and with us makes all the difference. We accept the sunsets; the closing of one chapter to another but in Africa you never know what the new sunrise will bring. Endless hope hangs on the colors of each morning. Maybe my blog will rise again soon. Maybe this is the start. 

What looks like a sunset right now in your life? What might feel like a sunrise? 

FAITHFUL

The text, the news, the shock. Then there was the changing of airline tickets, the packing, the quick goodbyes, and the realization I was leaving my home in Zambia and it would no longer be mine when I came back periodically. I was going back to the states to take care of my mom. This seemed like a dream, a nightmare really. My mom was healthy, spry, worked out, and ate well. This was not the plan…but who are we to think we have things figured out? 

Though the transition of moving back to the states was already in process, this was not. New roles with our organization were taking us stateside and I had not even had the time to really process that yet, let alone having to leave at the drop of a hat. Brief tears trickled down my face as my husband closed the gate and my home disappeared behind the 10 foot tall metal doors as he drove me to the airport. That was all I had time for because we needed to talk about everything we could in the hour plus drive to put me on a plane. There was no time for tears. Not yet.  

I was going back to my mom’s house, not my house, because we didn’t have one. I was leaving the only home I felt like was mine in the past 8 years, at least. Believe it or not Zambia was a place of stability for me. A place that I called home. And now I was going back to uncertainty again, not just with my mom, but for my husband and I. We did not have any idea where we were going to live when we did plan on coming back and now that was a glaring reality. We also did not know how we were going to afford to live back in the states on our support or how God was going to provide a vehicle for us. There were so many questions, so many unknowns. 

I’ll be honest, the thought of dealing with not having a home, financial instability, and the health of my mom was taking a toll. I had done all this before and I felt like I had done my time. I wanted to arrive in the states with a home, a car, health, and security wrapped up in a box with a bow neatly tied on top. 

That did not happen. But in the weeks that followed and in the waiting on God, He showed me once and again, that He is faithful. He is enough. If you are feeling like your whole world is in upheaval, sit at the feet of the Father and be reminded that He loves you more than anything and He will do for you what is best in His eyes for His glory and honor. 

There is much more to this story, and the ending is still being written, but I sit now in a house God has provided for us to rent (with our two dogs!), a vehicle that is going to be given to us in a couple weeks, and my mom who is in good spirits in spite of many challenges. Jehovah-Jireh. 

MY WORD FOR THE SEASON-PEACE

Earlier this month I pulled out my little pathetic pipe cleaner like fake Christmas tree and the few ornaments that would hang on it. As I emptied the small box of ornaments out came a silver ornament that spelled peace. As I hung that on my tree, I knew God was confirming that as my word for the season. But He was confirming so much more. 

I haven’t done a, “word of the season,” for a few years and I’m not exactly sure why. Maybe I was too distracted, or maybe it was because it doesn’t feel like Christmas here as much. There aren't very many opportunities to be reminded that it is even the Christmas season here besides the few Christmas decorations in malls in Lusaka. No one decorates in Chongwe, there are no special programs, or parties, nothing special even at churches. It does force you to be very intentional when it is not all around you. And so it is a blessing. There is not the fuss, or busyness, or the materialism of it here. There is just the nativity in my house and my little fake tree that remind me it is Christmas time. 

Time to reflect on why God sent His Son to earth….to be Peace for us. Not a fake peace  as the world gives but real Peace in the very person of Jesus (John 16:33). Peace is a Person. Peace is only found in Jesus and through His saving work on the cross. It is not found anywhere else. All other appearances of peace are fake, unfounded, or not lasting. The true peace we have in our lives is a direct reflection of our relationship with Christ, because the Spirit in us is the Spirit of Christ (Romans 8:9,10). 

The reality is though that most of us are searching for peace in all the wrong places or people. We want peace in the world, in our communities, in our relationships, or in our families, but only Christ can bring and be Peace to us in this world filled with trouble. Peace in the Person of Jesus Christ is eternal peace because He is eternal and therefore we can rest in Jesus for all the things that truly matter. 

If you want to figure out if you are trusting in Jesus for your peace ask him to bring the sword into your life (Matt. 10:34). Oswald Chambers states that, “thousands of people in this world profess to be happy without God. But if we could be truly happy and moral without Jesus, then why did He come? He came because that kind of happiness and peace is only superficial. Jesus Christ came to “bring…a sword” through every kind of peace that is not based on a personal relationship with Himself.” 

Trusting God to bring that kind of “peace” (the sword) into your life is to trust in the goodness of God. Let Jesus show you where you are not resting in Him to be your true Peace this Christmas Season. Move toward Peace. Move toward Jesus. 

Merry Christmas! Immanuel-God with us. 

FOR THE ONE...

 

As Easter approaches, we are pondering the sacrifice of our Lord and Savior to humble Himself and die on a cross, shedding His blood for us, for me. I think of the fact that I was on His heart when He went to the cross because He foreknew me. He died for me, for you, for Esther who was just saved by this same work of Jesus last week at our youth Bible study here in Zambia. He died for the world and yet He died for the one. It is that “one” that we are here for. It is the “one” that we all get to celebrate, not only here but for eternity. 

Our heart is for the one that no one else sees. The one that is invisible to the world around them. Join us in praying for all the “ones” who need education, opportunity, business training, encouragement, prayer, a Biblical study, a mentor, a micro loan, agriculture training, a paying job, tutoring, ESL training, marriage help, a good book, or a hug. But most importantly, they need the ONE who stooped low to make a way for us to be reconciled to a holy God. 

Pray with us and for us as we continue to push people toward the ONE true God who’s wrath we deserve but His Son paid the price for. We desire so much for the community of Chibolya and are so grateful for the support and prayer from everyone! We are dreaming big with God for the future and pray you will join us in prayer and financial help to reach the one, like Esther, who happened to come to our house for youth Bible Study, and was able to learn about the true saving power of God through His Son, Jesus. May this amazing Easter truth make it’s way into more hearts here. Thank you for being a part of all the “ones” here in Zambia. 

 The Pilgrims….it conjures up a picture in our minds of those white collared travelers to the New Land. During this time of year we reminisces on the story. The story of those who left one place and journeyed to another. Risking it all for religious freedom. Following God out of their “exile” in Europe. We many times think back on this and yet are so far removed from it that it becomes just the story we celebrate but what if that pilgrim history became our pilgrim identity? 

This pilgrim history goes so much farther back though. Back to Abraham and the call to leave what he had to go to where God was calling him. The journey of Abraham and his descendants end up in exile though, but we can’t stay in Egypt, even though many times it seems safer. 

We must not get comfortable, we must follow that wanderlust with the God who calls us to journey with Him through the wilderness to the promise land. Learning to trust, learning more about Him, learning that He provides, and learning that He is the only God that is worthy of our praise. 

In the book, Wander, by Michelle Van Loon, she reminds us that, “Godly contentment will keep us in a state of discontentment with the world around us. It will help us recognize temporary comforts such as a full stomach and a safe place in which to lay our heads are not the destination in our lives. Godly contentment makes pilgrims out of us.” 

The call begins as it did for us, in a still small voice to follow. A call to set out and trust the same God who called Abraham and Moses. Then there is ultimate journey of our Lord and Savior who left heaven  and came to earth and followed a path to the cross for us. 

Are we willing to identify as a pilgrim? During this Thanksgiving week, let’s ponder our pilgrim identity and our willingness to journey with the God who calls us to this.