Tick Tock

Time is a tricky thing. It is said that you can not get back time. Once it is gone it is gone. We all know this but is it evident in how we live? I'm not sure. Time controls us while itself not able to be controlled. We can't stop it, or hold it back, or fast forward it. It is what it is. Our Creator gives it to us as a gift. Allowing us to be a part of His world, stewarding well all things, including time. The time we are given represents our lives. Lives as His children bought and paid for by the blood of His Son. Lives that use the time given to worship God and live with purpose for His Name sake. But at some point our time ends. 

I have watched many people die. Some of died better than others. Death has once again happened near me and is also shadowing two other lives close to me. I have become very aware of the way in which time on this earth ends for us. I notice the focus of the person as they get sicker, or older, or more aware of their mortality. Is it clearly fixed on the Lord or are they distracted by earthly issues?

I can see the face of a woman in Zambia who wanted nothing else but to pray for people and worship the Lord on her death bed. Or the concern of another older woman who just wanted her whole family to know the Lord and for them to be saved. Prayer, singing, gratitude. I remember the sweet story my mom told me of my dad who was up in the middle of the night signing one of his favorite hymns when he only had days to live. 

While none of these lives were lived out perfectly, they knew who God was and who they were in light of that. God's grace shown through. Goals for dying well. 

But let's talk about how we are living. Now, I'm not going to get into a lengthy debate on eschatology, but I do believe that time is of the essence these days. It is not just that I feel myself getting older and that my life is half over (if I live a full life), but I do feel a very real sense of urgency to get busy with the work of God's kingdom. In every sense, am I encouraging the saints, preaching the gospel, discipling those God has put in front of me, and living a life that is poured out for the poor, the lost, and the sick? How am I using the time afforded me to bring LIFE to those dying? 

One of the verses I pray for the community in Zambia is John 10:10- "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." Life, full, abundant life. That is what Christ offers. And that is what I want to share with everyone around me. Life-let's live it and give it. 

Who needs to hear this message so that they can not only live fully but die faithfully? I pray that I will finish my race well someday and say with confidence, "for to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." Philippians 1:21. 

How are you living?

HOLD ON LOOSELY

I sit here right now and consider what has been lost in my lack of writing and blogging over the past many years. What fraught moments, miraculous minutes, or meaningful memories have not been recorded. Like the African sunset which slips away like water in your hands, those stories are gone I fear. 

I can not really attest to why I stopped writing, but I did. Maybe ministry overtook my “me” time. Maybe I felt like the relationships were too new or life to raw. There was definitely dry land between my pen and I and there was a sense from God to go ahead and let it be. There is a time for everything (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8). 

I have been back in the states for over 2 years now. When I was preparing to return to the states, I was asking God what He had for me here beside our continued ministry in Africa. For those that know, it became obvious that our moms would need us but I knew there was more. I felt a nudge to write again and speak a bit more. The funny thing about God is He doesn’t really reveal His timeline. Here I sit 2 1/2 years in to our stateside chapter and I think this is the 2nd time I have sat down to put pen to paper. 

As I have pondered this desert, I have also seen a pattern of other activities in my life that have ebbed and flowed, things that had been a fruitful part of my days or weeks and then poof, no more. Seasons. Chapters. Transition. Change. 

Seasons remind us different is good. Chapters lead us on to the unfolding story before us. Transition grows us and keeps us on our toes. Change reminds us who is really in charge. Our lives, our routines, our priorities, shift. Africa did and still does remind me to hold things loosely. 

I thought I would blog heavily when we were on the ground in Zambia but what I realize now is that I wrote those moments, miracles, and memories on my heart not on paper. And that is ok. They rest there where I hold them carefully, remembering what made those moments special. They are not lost, they are found inside of me. 

With all that missionary life throws us, what it gives and what it takes, knowing that God is in control and with us makes all the difference. We accept the sunsets; the closing of one chapter to another but in Africa you never know what the new sunrise will bring. Endless hope hangs on the colors of each morning. Maybe my blog will rise again soon. Maybe this is the start. 

What looks like a sunset right now in your life? What might feel like a sunrise?