I sit here this morning, gazing out from the Lake Geneva Library to the lake it is named after. The lush grass and the bright green leaves swaying in the breeze boast of mid-summer in the Mid-West. The farmers market is bustling down the street where I grabbed a cinnamon role to savor. The water is quite calm for a summer morning here and the boats bob in the bay waiting for their owners to take them out. Truly picturesque. 

I told myself that when I got back from my trip to Zambia, I would soak in all that summer has to offer here now that it is already half over. Trying to accept the blessing of living here. It’s hard though. While I love that we get to live here for now, knowing that God has us here for not only recruiting new leaders for ministry but to care for our moms as well, I’m torn. I tried to put it into words last August on my prayer retreat. It came out in a kind of poem. I say, “kinda” as I’m not sure it follows any rules or parameters of a poem but it is words my heart tries to understand. Emotions I give to God to filter. It is the tension of holding two worlds I love in my heart and knowing that neither of them are where I ultimately belong. Here it is- 

The beauty makes me mad

Green and blue clear water against a perfect MidWest sky

The blessing makes it even harder

I can reach out and touch family and friends here, everything is at arms length

I know, God, this is supposed to make it easier

But my soul reaches out for the dark, muddy, unknown waters of Africa

The dusty atmosphere that creates a blood red sky

Relishing in the sweaty skin that suggest time with a friend in the African afternoon

I long for the dust trail behind my Toyota that signifies a dirt road to someplace magical

Balancing moments that hold eternal significance with my sisters in Christ on the other side of the world, and my sisters here

I am a visitor in the place that should be home and at home where I should be a visitor

But this I know, You God, are creating a place for me that will be so perfect I will not want for anything

So in the here and now, You are enough between earthly worlds that I straddle and the eternal home where I belong