When I started to train for this marathon I was very determined to try and run with people so I would be consistent and well, who am I kidding, that they would force me to get out of bed at the crack of dawn. BUT I have had many long runs by myself and they have been sweet, wonderful times with my God. This time with God has been overwhelming, convicting, and has almost brought me to my knees on occasions for different reasons. This morning was one of those times. I feel so blessed to be able to run, to watch the sun come up over the trees, to have music in my ears while just running for fun. Unlike most of the rest of the women in the world, who run not FOR anything but FROM things. Grateful for the time spent praying for the women of the world, for Zambia and for my friends and family. I am also grateful for the biggest blessing, a running partner that always shows up to run with me, no matter how early or how hot, My Jesus.
I had the opportunity to run with Him in Chongwe, Zambia just a couple of weeks ago (don't worry it was safe there!). This was so amazing! I took it all in, the sun, the dust, the people milling about, the stray dogs enjoying the cool morning air, and the very real feeling that this is going to be my home. A new home, a new place to run, a new life.
This goal of running a marathon is such a great parallel for my goal of finishing well this race called life. It is my goal to do God's will for my life and walk with Him along the way and hear him say one day when the race is over, well done my good and faithful servant.
Monday was one of those days. You know....you catch yourself taking deep breaths and your mind is racing with all that you must tackle before the sun sets. I have to tell you, I was feeling pretty good up until Monday. I think the reality of leaving for Zambia in less than a week had started to sink in. My list was long and the hours I had available to cross everything off that list was (and is) shrinking.
As I sat that morning in my porch journaling, I was asking God what word He wants me to know or claim for this trip. Nothing came to me at that point so I went on with my day. Then, we headed off as the evening came and my time for the list on my dining room table officially came to a close.
We had been invited to attend a prayer meeting in Elgin through a friend of ours who works for International Teams. After a small detour we found the House of Prayer and entered through the red doors (appropriate color as we think about what it took so we could freely go to our Father in Heaven in prayer!). What we entered was Holy. A place where normal, everyday people came to pray about the issue of sex trafficking and prostitution. Those present welcomed us in and we immediately felt at home. Suddenly that list back home on top of a million other pieces of paper did not matter.
What mattered was that we were in the presence of God. As I lay on the floor with my hands turned up and opened towards the heavens, the word came to me. RECEIVE. Receive what I want to give, was what it seemed God was saying to me. Be open to the gifts I want you to accept from me. That is my word for this trip. I will open my hands to RECEIVE the pouring out of His blessings. That in all things, sufferings, trials, pain, and good times, the gift of His presence, His love, His salvation, His peace, His Son, His Word, His Kingdom, His forgiveness and His Spirit can enter my life with an open and prepared heart. That was exactly where God wanted me on that stressed filled Monday night. In prayer, on my face, for then, I could hear His voice.
Romans 8:15-"For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father."
This is a precious reminder as I get ready to go back to Zambia. I am going to give something, yes, but more importantly I am going to be filled up with all that God wants to impart to me in His Abba Father kind of way.
"You provide the fire and I'll provide the sacrifice....You provide your Spirit and I'll open up inside...Fill me up God, Fill me up God, Fill me up God...."----Jesus Culture
It is a simple white sign with almost childlike writing on it with 3 crosses clearly depicting the reason for the name of the farm-Grace Farm. It is a turnaround point out in the country for me as I am training for the Chicago Marathon. That was what my sights were set on this morning as I hit the pavement.
I started out with a friend of mine who only had time to run a couple of the 7 I had to run. Then, the ear buds went in and the volume way up. I stopped to turn around at this quaint farm and headed back into town. I will say at this point I was in my own world and, as my kids would say, at the, "Mom, you need to be medicated" stage. With my hands raised, and singing at the top of my lungs and I am sure out of tune, I put one foot in front of the other down this quiet road. Then out of the corner of my eye I see a car pulling up right beside me. An unmarked police car! He asked if I was OK, and I said I was just fine. He said I looked like I was trying to flag someone down. I laughed and told him I was only raising my hands in worship cause it was a nice Sunday morning to do that. He probably would agree with my kids that I need to be medicated.
I then thought back to a time when I ran because I was running from something. I was running from my past. I was running from things I did not even remember or understand. Now, I run, not just to that marker out in the country, but to Him whom that farm represents. The One who freed me from my past and my own sin that was dragging me down. He now runs with me and it is His presence that I long for. I do not have to be anyone, do anything or run from anything, I just need to seek His face and run with and for Him who is worthy of my praise regardless if I sound good to the corn fields! I know I might look like a crazy person when I run with my worship music on but I hope that attitude of abandonment to Him continues, wherever I might be or in whatever I am doing! I guess I was never running by my self anyway...I always have a running partner.
1 Timothy 4:7-"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."
Green Lake, Wisconsin, a quiet, scenic lake surrounded by rolling hills, fir trees and typical Wisconsin landscape. Misty mornings, soulful sunsets and wildlife quieted the minds, hearts and bodies of those of us there. The peacefulness was something you could grab onto, breath deep into. This was the place were workers from all over the world, from every corner, came together to talk about anything but issues that were peaceful, quiet or beautiful. It was a conference on prostitution and sex trafficking. The surroundings were safe and comforting to many tired and burnt out front line workers who came for 5 days of worship, encouragement, prayer and rest. I attended this conference to gain any little bit of knowledge in this area of ministry as I delve into this world on a deeper level every year I am in Zambia. With the work we intend to do when we move full-time, I am looking for any support in this world of darkness and despair. What I found was this-HOPE. But not in the form of a plan, a book or a manual. See, part of me went with a small expectation that upon arrival, I would receive a book, manual or some sort of instruction as to how to "do" this kind of ministry. By the end of the second day, I realized, like the lack of hot water streaming from my shower, it was not going to come my way. This was, for a moment, disappointing. This slight disappointment was quickly replaced by the realized encouragement that I, like everyone else there, did not have all the answers, hadn't a clue as to what the end of the tunnel looks like and was flying by the seat of their pants on shoe string budgets wondering how the heck they ended up in this kind of ministry. That was one of the most consistent themes throughout the conference-the feeling of inadequacy in the ability to do this work. A powerful place to be....for when we are weak, He is strong. From the speakers who stood on stage to the one on one conversations with simple people from all over the world, the message was clear. We were all just servants following the calling of God on our lives to jump into this work regardless of our education, our wealth, our feelings of worthiness or our training. I suddenly felt among friends. Those who argued with God because they were "just" a mom of 3 kids, or "just" an engineer, or "just" a secretary, or "just" a pastor's wife. Those who were willing to be broken by the things that break the heart of God and surrender to Him their lives not knowing where it would lead. The exhale was palpable. The HOPE was this-that this work is done only in the power of the Holy Spirit through individuals who have emptied themselves of any pride or self dependence. Every country, city, demographic, and girl is a different battle, a different plan. That God will pave the road before you, that you will make mistakes as one speaker shared but that God will still redeem even when we get it wrong. For this is His work and He is in control and is mighty to save. He is already there-in the dark, waiting for us to join Him in defeating the enemy through prayer and in the powerful name of Jesus. For God does not call the equipped, He equips the called. Feeling inadequate? Don't have a plan? Can't understand why God wants to use you? Lay it all down. The plan will come when we surrender everything to Him. 1 Corinthians 1:26-31-"Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things-and the things that are not-to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God.-that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: let him who boasts boast in the Lord."
When 2014 was coming upon me I had no idea what it would hold. I am no stranger to trials, struggles and challenges but so far, this year will rank up in the top 5 of tough ones and it's not even half over! I was asking God to do whatever it takes to keep me close to Him. As always, He answers. I have been on my face a lot this year but it is a sweet, sweet place to be. God is a fresh spring in the middle of a desert, a warm beam of sunshine in the depths of a dark, dank hole. He is truth in the midst of a cacophony of lies, He is the focal point of my soul, my mind, my eyes, my heart. He is the one who asks me to dance in the middle of heartache. Yes, I will dance. I will dance for a God who knows the future, who holds my present, and has redeemed my past. I will dance for One who is worthy of my praise regardless of the darkness that tries to engulf me. Then, I think, I think of the women in Zambia who dance in the midst of their own debilitating circumstances-abject poverty, rape, physical abuse and hunger. That picture of them gives me strength to continue with tears streaming down my face as I lift my eyes to Heaven and thank Him for asking me to get up off my knees and dance....
Psalms 149:3-"Let them praise his name with dancing and make music to him with tambourine and harp."
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Today is mine and my husband’s 20 year wedding anniversary! I have been thinking today about how we started, and where God has brought us. Always candid about how Ben and I have, “made it this far”. I think about what plans have gone by the wayside and what plans God has brought to replace those. Plans that we could have never, I mean never, in a million years conjured up in our minds, a plan like moving to Zambia to minister to vulnerable women and men there. I like this saying about marriage that says-marriage is so we can do ministry better together than we ever could have alone. That does not happen overnight though!
There have been many dark places that we have walked but God brought us out into the light through His never ending love. His desire to not leave us how He found us but make us more like Him is amazing. See, He loves us too much to let us stay stagnate. The time when God led both of us to His surgery table was one of the darkest moments for us. It was such a tough time but we knew God was removing, cutting out and sewing up all the cancerous, tumorous and open wounds that needed His touch. We stayed there and allowed God to finish surgery and lay still while He healed us.
Whether you like the analogy of a surgeon, or a carpenter with a hammer and chisel chipping away all the excess that is not needed in order to reveal the true masterpiece, I beg of you this-Give Him permission to either grasp His loving scalpel or hold His hammer and chisel so He can began that wonderful process. Bruce Wilkinson has a great quote that goes something like this, “The bigger the vision God gives you, the bigger the cleansing that you will go through to be prepared for it.” I am giving Him permission to get out that scalpel again and continue the process of making me all He wants me to be for His glory and His honor.
Philippians 1:6-“being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
Ben and I in Zambia together for the first time in 2012!
February was a busy month and the beginning of March as well! We had business training for 15 former sex workers who desire to get off the street and live in the new life they see for themselves earlier in February. We also got the piggery training set up and that happened last week! Wow! Now, I know this does not seem like a huge accomplishment but working on these kind of things from across the ocean when Internet access is sketchy, funds have to be wired, and all scheduling and timing has to work between us and our partner on the ground, CHD, is quite a feat! This takes much time during meetings, endless emails back and forth (when there is Internet service) and A LOT of prayer as we are fighting against much spiritual attack to bring these things to fruition. We have been trying to get these two things going since the fall after we returned from our trip last summer and it has been a challenge! No one sees all the behind the scenes work that goes into something that seems so simple. BUT we know we fight not against flesh and blood, but against powers and principalities....See, through all these things, God's love is being shown.
At the business training, all 15 women came to know Christ! This is an amazing and humbling outcome to this gathering of women who want to be freed from the bondage and darkness of the streets! Please pray for them as they are now working on business plans and seeking out micro-loans. They are very vulnerable and need our prayer over them.
We are also looking forward to the outcome of the piggery training and how God will show up in this as He works in the lives of those who need to know they are loved. Thanks to CHD and Felix who went out to Mumbwa ahead of time to get all this figured out! That was an adventure by itself! We are very grateful though, to God who postponed us buying pigs last summer! It was frustrating at the time as we did not fully understand but to then find out in October that Swine fever was sweeping through Zambia and pigs were being euthanized...well, all we can say, is God's timing is perfect! Now that they women are trained we can buy pigs after this long lesson in patience and faith in God.
In all of this, God is stretching my husband and I and our family as we move forward in this journey to be a light in the darkness. It is not easy work, but we accept our calling in this as we know that this world is not our home and God is our enoughness, our everything. Please pray for us as we continue to journey on in this crazy life as we now work on getting our personal funding together to move to Zambia full time next year. It is going to go fast!
The vet from the Ag office
Some of the women of the co-op learning from the vet
One of the CHD workers training the former sex workers
Susan, a good friend of CHD, encouraging the former sex workers in the Word of God
