GOODBYE DURING COVID-19

I woke up that morning and could not breathe. I felt like I was totally unprepared for what was happening that day.  I looked at his room scattered with clothes, suitcases, and his backpack ready for international travel. He had done this before, our youngest and only son, the year before. He had travelled by himself back home from Zambia for 6 weeks. The difference then, he had come back. This time he was leaving for adulthood, for his summer home to work before he heads off to college. This was goodbye. 

I think all that had transpired before this is what made it so hard. Covid-19 made it hard. When we had made the concession to let Carter, our son, go home early before we would head home for a summer furlough back in November of 2019, it was a different time. When there was no talk of Covid-19, no flight interruptions, no economies falling apart, and no mass world uncertainty. There were going to be family and friends he was going to stay with, a job at a summer camp that would start in May, and a planned send off to college in the fall.

Our plans were turned sideways. By March we were holding our breath that his April flight would still be ok. We wondered if we should “get him out now.” As so many other expats were doing. But where would he go back to? Everyone was on lock down. Come April our fear was realized as his flight was cancelled. We then had to make the decision of whether or not to wait for that ticket and flight to “come back” (realizing it probably wasn’t) or cancel and book a new ticket, a new ticket at 4 times the cost. The world was acting crazy and we didn’t know what to do. The emails were “get out now” and we knew our son needed to get back regardless of what he was going back to. We prayed and I (notice I didn’t say, "we") wrung my hands for more than a week as we went back and forth on getting him out on the only airline left flying out of Zambia. I finally swallowed hard, and we did it. We then had four days to get him ready to go. Four days that I did not spend preparing myself. I did make his favorite meals and we played games and got his favorite shawarma in town, but I did not think about what this send off truly was.

It all happened so fast and all of a sudden we were sending him off on a lone plane out of our host country to go home to a mass pandemic to live with his sister who had also had her life turned upside down by this. The secure jobs they both had set up for the summer were all but a hopeful dream at this point, and the graduation party we wanted to have for Carter seems like it might be online at this point. The plan of staying till September on furlough was to get him settled at college for his first year and move our daughter back to college as well; seems like wishful thinking right now that anyone will be going back to college in September. What are they/we supposed to do? Leave them to what? To where? 

Sending your youngest off on a plane at the mid-end of his senior year in high school to start his adult life was hard to begin with, but put all this in the mix and this mom was really a mess;) I am not usually like this. I have always been about growing our kids up to be independent. But this was hard. I am so glad that I can cry out to my God who hears me and understands. So glad to have family and friends (and a good member care counselor!!) who I could ask for prayer from. 

All this uncertainty reminds those of us who are in Christ that we are part of an unshakable kingdom. Cared for by a God who is still on his throne. And a clear reminder that this is not our true home. Goodbyes in all forms are happening right now, change is happening right now, the future is not certain, but we serve a God who is worthy of our hello every morning, who is unchanging, and who is certain about where this world is going. Let’s rest in that right now.

Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire. Hebrews 12:28

JOURNEY

A typical road in Zambia

I love it when God seems to be speaking something specific through not only our morning devotions but in church as well. We have been reading through Exodus as we finished Genesis and it has been so neat to read the miraculous journey of the Israelites so far. We also went to a church here in Zambia and the new series is, you guessed it, on Exodus. Then, we listened to a sermon from our home church back in WI, and it was, yup, on Moses and his walk of faith. His journey. 

As God liberated the Israelites from Egypt and the slavery they experienced there, He did not bring them into paradise. He brought them into the wilderness first. The journey they were on was not for their happiness, but for their growth, for God to show them who He was and to draw them unto Himself. In Exodus 19:4-5, it states, “You yourselves have seen what I did to the Egyptians, and how I bore you on eagles wings and brought you to myself. Now therefore, if you will indeed obey my voice and keep my covenant, you shall be my treasured possession among all peoples, for all the earth is mine.” The point of God liberating us from our sin and slavery is not just the liberation or freeing in and of itself, but to draw us to Himself, to bring us into His lap, to adopt us as sons and daughters. That is the true miracle of the Exodus. That He wanted the Hebrew people to come to Him, know Him, experience Him. That God would send His Son to die on a cross to fulfill that covenant brings these verses full circle. 

The journey of the Hebrew people in Exodus clearly defines what our journey of faith also might look like. It is from death to life, but that life is found in the wilderness many times. When it is only our Father God who will uphold us, save us, feed us, rescue us, and love us as His adopted children. So that we can “see” God for who He is. The Hebrew’s were terrified of God’s revelation of Himself on Mt. Sinai. God was descending to speak to them, but they were afraid. How many times does God want to show us more of who He is, but, like the Hebrews, we are afraid. (Unhealthy fear, not the reverence and awe fear that we should have.) We are afraid of where He is asking us to go or what He is asking us to leave. 

The life of the Christian is always one of journey, it is always one of going out. There is no one in the New Testament that was not on a journey. The definition of journey says that it is a progression in going from one place to another. It is not aimless or undirected. In your walk with God, are you moving from immature to mature? Or are you willing to put on the sandals that will never wear out and head into the wilderness like the Hebrew people in Exodus? Would you follow God into the wilderness from slavery in Egypt just so you could experience and see God for who He is and hear from Him clearly and personally? 

We must continue on in the journey. Where are you in your journey with God? I pray if you have taken a detour on the path God has you on, get back on the right one. SO THAT you can receive the “adoption as sons…crying, ‘Abba Father!’” (Galatians 4:4-7) Let the God of the universe draw you unto Himself. May that be the first step of YOUR journey. You never know where it might lead…

ANSWERED PRAYER

This past Valentines’ Day, Friday, I was not really thinking about Valentine’s Day. I was devastated, hurt, and dismayed. It had already been a tough week with so many that we minister to in heavy, heartbreaking situations but then it hits home. I was holding back hot tears of hurt and anger all day. I was heartbroken and sad. Then I reached out to a couple friends. One here in Zambia and one back home. I asked them to pray. And they did.

As I sat on my bed with the humid air pouring into our bedroom window feeling mad, sad, and frustrated, I told God I needed Him. I quickly pulled up FB on my phone and saw a sermon from Founder’s Week at Moody by Francis Chan. I thought I would watch it as I was trying to stop crying and gather myself. I thought maybe God had something to say to me. God answers prayer… 

It was exactly what I needed to hear. It reminded me that our decision to live for Christ is not about playing it safe, or having all our ducks in a row, or as I was thinking last Friday, that our kids should be “blessed” (in my view of course) for their obedience and sacrifice to live here and do ministry. It is about being Jesus to a lost world. Sharing the gospel to those that need to hear, and being willing to sacrifice all for this calling. ALL. I needed to have this 2x4 to the head again. The prayers of my friends were breaking through by me finding that sermon and by my heart being moved from my own self pity (or the pity for my kids here)  to thinking about why we left everything behind to come here to Zambia. God answers prayer…

My heart was so miraculously lifted in those hours following my reaching out to my friends for prayer, I was able to take a deep breath and go out, regroup everyone, and suggest that we get out of Dodge and go get pizza in Lusaka for dinner. I said, we are not going to let satan get us down because God is in control of all these seemingly disheartening things. We were going to go have pizza with Jesus. Because He is enough in all circumstances, all situations, and in all difficulties and suffering. Jesus is the lover of our soul. God answers prayer…

Best Valentine’s Day ever. 

Francis Chan sermon

BETWEEN HERE AND THERE

There are so many things between here and there. There are lives that are between death and life. Relationships between brokenness and wholeness. Hopes between desire and fulfillment. My own heart is between here and home. We are between so many seasons and chapters of our lives. We are between here and there.

My heart aches for all that I want to see happen in not only my own life but in my family and in ministry. I ache to see my prayer answered that, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” I ache for the lives that are so broken. I ache for the hopelessness of life here to be “fixed.” I ache for government to not be corrupt here. I ache for the Church to walk out what they say they believe. And while I ache for so many things I ache for something even greater. The coming of King Jesus to make all things right. 

In this season of Advent let us remember we are between the first coming of Jesus and the second, between the manger and the fulfillment of Scripture.  That is our Hope. In all the ache, in all the now and not yet, in all the looking back as we look ahead, we can stand firm on the promise that Jesus is coming back and will make everything perfect. 

Do you look forward to this? Do you have HOPE? I pray you can rest in the Peace that has been given to us who are called sons and daughters. No matter what is going on between here and there, may you know your life is hidden in Christ and is being made new. May we have the same faith as the prophets of old who proclaimed the coming of a Messiah they never lived to see. How are you proclaiming Jesus crucified, resurrected, and coming again? May all of us live as if we are watching for our Lord and Savior and may our mouths share the good news that came in the form of a baby in a manger this Christmas Season, a season in-between. 

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.  Of the greatness of his government and peace there will be no end. He will reign on David’s throne and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever. The zeal of the LORD Almighty will accomplish this.   Isaiah 9:6-7

CHANGE

Another blog about fall you ask? Well, no. Here in Zambia it is not fall, it is the “hot dry season.” So phrases about the falling leaves, color, and the way an October frost settles on the morning ground, is well, not going to be the topic for discussion. 

We have had change though in this season of ministry. Change that involves prayerful action, and wise conversations. We pray for the Spirit to fall on all of us as we navigate what is next. 

But as I consider the ways in which things will always change around us, I ask myself this-how much do we desire change in us? In our own relationship with God? Do we ask God to change us, mold us, and make us more like His Son? When was the last time you “gave” God permission, actually asked Him, to change you? To grow you, move you out from where you are? As everyone talks about change in terms of seasons, autumn, and the weather, let’s remember that God wants to change us. Don’t just let everything change around you. 

We are to be in the process of sanctification. Moving toward the perfection we will only gain when Christ returns to make all things right. I know I need to change….because none of us are ever done. So what am I, you, doing to change? We need to spend time with the One we want to be like. We need to study the Word that He gave us, and we need to be in worshipful communion with those who will sharpen us like iron, all done with the power of the Spirit, who indwells in us. Challenging for me and I hope for you as well. 

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

Philippians 1:6 

SABBATH BLUE

The blue was blending into a deep lake like color, the shading on the boat was difficult but was giving the depth needed. Color was being created, waves given definition, and the sunset made the focal point. I was creating beauty. Yes, I, Krisitn, was painting a picture. Now, must of you who know me, would only assume I could paint a room, well, who am I kidding, Ben paints the rooms! I haven’t picked up a paint brush since painting by number when my kids were little! And yes, frankly my picture looks like that, I know;)

Over the years, though, I have seen the vast importance of beauty, the arts, literature, and good story. My friends from other personality types have shown me that Type A is not the be all end all. I have chosen to pull myself toward a healthy middle where I see the goodness in my, get r done, functional, personality but I also see where it has been marred by sin and worthy of assessing regularly. I have come to appreciate so profoundly a good book, an opera, a deep movie, a theater show that expresses the human experience from a different perspective, or marveling at the softness of Black Labrador ears. Drinking in the joy in Sabbath and engaging in creating beauty are good places for a Type A to dwell in. 

I realized that in my love of nature, which is God’s handiwork, I was stopping there. It’s like I forgot, or was never encouraged, to actually use the creativity that God has given me to create beauty with Him. To be a part of the built environment. Creating beauty, art, space, home, and places where people see a glimpse of the God we are in the image of, which has immeasurable worth when it is done to please Him and be used by Him. 

I challenged our team (and myself) to paint a picture of what joy in their Sabbath looked like. This was outside the box for all of us. But it is a good reminder that joy, and Sabbath should be filled with beauty. The beauty of relationship, food around a table, a sunset, watching the night sky, or reading a book that moves you to tears, a documentary that reminds you of an issue you are passionate about, or the silence of listening to God. But to Sabbath, we must cease doing, to create, we must give up control and focus on the creating, and to enjoy beauty we must realize the gift it is from our Father first. 

It is a privilege to create beauty. I used it to remind me of that sunset boat ride on Lake Kariba, where the blue water and still blue sky met at the end of that day, a day where we trusted God in our resting, our Sabbath. Where we remembered our 25 years of marriage and saw the beauty in all God has done. 

Where are you on this journey of beauty? 

Friendship with God

They warn you, they tell you, you read accounts of what it is like on the mission field. You nod your head, agree, and think things like, “Yes, I’m prepared!” or “Wow, but I think I’ll be ok!”. But the mission field can be very lonely. In a good way most of the time, but lonely none the less. In a way, I feel like God has been preparing us for this over the years. Slowly moving us out of circles of friends and away from our old stopping grounds, and usual places and people. Pressing me into Him and Him alone. 

But sometimes you just miss hanging with family and friends on a Friday night or being able to stop in to have a cup of coffee with your best friend. You think about a friend back home but realize it’s 2:00 in the morning back in the states and well, no point in messaging, you think, as you plan on doing it later. But then life gets in the way and you don’t get to it. You see a message from someone at 10:00pm at night but are just crawling into bed, and so tired so you say to yourself, I’ll read it in the morning. Keeping up with family and friends is hard from the field. It’s hard as you are trying to communicate on a grand scale with everyone via newsletters, blog posts (which I haven’t gotten to lately!), emails, and social media posts. But also keeping up with individual relationships becomes difficult. You have people vying for your attention on the field and those from home who need you as well. You have your organization who needs emails from you, conference calls abound and the hours of your day ebbe away.  You are trying to balance all of it, but sometimes you feel like you are failing.

In the days when it feels like things are not working and tears of missing everyone seep from my eyes, the goodness of God overflows in His friendship. A friendship that is available to us. His Word says, “And the scripture was fulfilled that says, ‘Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness,’ and he was called God’s friend.” Also in John 15:13-15 “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.”  

It is unbelievable that the God of the universe, the creator of everything, the God who is holy, holy, holy, and worthy of all our praise and who does His will on this earth is also a God who comes close to us as a friend. The presence of our Father God on a morning when the ache for those from home is crushing your heart is the most precious hug you can receive. He is there, listening to us, to you, He wants to be invited into my pain, my ache, and yours. He has something to say to us, and when He speaks we see Him in all the fullness of who He is. We fall on our knees in awe and at the same time cry out, Abba Father. And then and only then can we say, not my will but yours be done. The words that are written in my journal continually are, “I trust You.”  The two things we see in the above verses are believe and obey, then we are friends of God. Where do you need to believe and obey? Even in your hurt or pain? His friendship waits. 

God is there waiting to be a friend. And because He is GOD, the one true God, He can touch your life in a way no one else can. What a friend we have in Jesus! Thank goodness for the friendship of God. The lover of our souls….healer of our hearts….guide to our journey.