What lingers....

"Wanting is the first page of a new journal. Desiring words that will become memories, traditions, new callings and the persistence of old promises. Words that form sentences, sentences  that form feeling and paragraphs that become the overflow of the heart poured out on these pages. Written in secret, the pages of a journal are the escaped musings and deep thoughts that fought to be freed from the soul only to find themselves captive on paper." --This is my first page of a new journal I started a couple of months ago. As I was re-reading that page today, I thought about beginnings and endings, starting and finishing. New things and old things. Things that once were and now are not. Things that linger; like words in a journal.
What will linger behind me? What fragrance will be left of my life? These are sobering questions I have to ask myself a lot. I am continually challenged by God to review all I do in light of eternity. In light of what will be left behind. I don't want tons of degrees or pieces of paper on my walls, or titles after my name in my obituary, these are not important to me. I do want one thing to be evident, that I loved the Lord, my God with all my heart and all my soul and with all my mind. This is the struggle of my life. I always wonder how is the next word out of my mouth or thought in my head, going to further the Kingdom. I have to say, I feel like I fail at this all the time. I wrestle with decisions about how to spend my time, what impact certain things will have on my children and what am I doing to move my marriage forward. I am consistently taking a deep breath with God, trusting Him in the choice I just made regarding some kind of consequence for one of my kids or a decision regarding a project in Zambia. None more important than the other.
This past summer, we made the decision to help renovate a widows home in Lusaka. Her name was Grace. We teetered many times about the decision because of thinking we might not have the money or time to accomplish this project. It was one of those deep breaths with God. A, "OK, lets just do it!" decision. My husband and son had spent a whole day before the team came in getting things kinda ready. The door ordered, the roofing found and paid for, the guy to measure the door picked up and brought to the widows home to measure, then brought back, etc. Then the guys on the team came in and pulled off a leaky roof, replaced the rotten beams, put on a new roof, re-measured and fixed the already measured door and put that in and also had the chance to include a couple Zambians from the area to help and feel productive! Grace was given the new keys to her new door and that was that.
A couple weeks ago, I was sitting in a leadership conference, trying to learn how to be a better leader (tough stuff!), and I got a FB message from Majory in Zambia. Grace had died that morning. I was quite stunned at first and just needed to process. I felt like I needed to give Grace a moment of remembrance in the midst of the thousands of people at this conference, none of which knew her or cared about her house or were sad that she had just died.  I sat by myself outside (freezing!) for a little bit and realized we almost didn't do that project. We could have missed out on being Jesus to her, even if she only had her house leak free and safe for a few months. We never know what tomorrow is going to bring. Let us not miss opportunities to do something eternal and leave a lasting fragrance in someones life.  BUT let the fragrance be of Jesus and not of ourselves. Let it be that we were nothing, and HE was everything. Let it linger that God was the most important thing in my life....my desire and my everyday struggle....is it yours?

On the right path?

The wet grass soaked my shoes as I headed toward the water that called out to me. The sound of the waves lapping the shore draws me in every time.  It is a little after eight am and I am heading off on the lake path to go for a run. The sun is sparkling on the quiet water as I take off down the trail.

The trail starts off very easy, open, straight and level. Then, the trail takes a turn and demands much concentration. Having to teeter and use my balancing skills along some sections. This got me thinking of how important it is to keep our eyes on the path God lays out before us.  We can be tempted to stop, go down another trail, or want what we are passing along the way. Nice houses, boats worth more than my house and comfy chairs a midst beautiful landscapes that can render us complacent.

I was watching the time but couldn't tell where I was between the spot I had started from and where I wanted to end. I was hot and thirsty and was wondering how much farther. Then I caught a shadow out of the corner of my eye.

A single engine plane was quietly soaring up above the glistening morning lake. It was taking in a much broader view than I was. I stopped for two reasons. One was that I just really love the idea of flying and want to learn how to fly someday; though, my husband reminds me that I have crashed just about every car I have owned. (What is he saying?) Then, I was reminded that while I might be down in the thick of things, struggling through the slippery places and dodging branches, not being able to see very far in front of me, God is soaring above. He sees all; all that is behind me and all that lay ahead of me. He sees where I am right now, whether clear and easy or tough and slippery.

Because of that, because He knows, and I trust Him, I will keep my eyes on Him and on the path He has led me to, to follow Him and His will for MY life. See, this path is my path, the path that represents my life; the easy, sunny, level trails and the ones where I have to be on guard, going over obstacles and under the darkness, struggling not to fall. I have my own way to go, my own path and it is the only path for me, not anyone else. I am responsible for how I stay on my path, not veering off, getting distracted or tempted to go down someone else’s or stop all together.  My relationship with God on this path is the most important thing, acknowledging Him every day in my journey. Though the waves are enticing to listen to, it is God’s voice I desire more.  Let us be under that shadow above us, remembering there is One who sees and knows all and wants us to follow Him.

Psalm 91:1, 2-“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”

A walk down a path in Chongwe, Zambia

Under One Sky Benefit

Wow! This past summer has gone by so fast! From the trip and then coming back and getting ready for the benefit to now here we are in September. We can not believe the benefit is already over. (And I can't believe I am just getting to this blog post!!!) It was such  a great night! We have so many people to thank and the first is God. We are continually reminded that  He has led us on this journey and has given us each step along the way. At the benefit I talked about the moment in 2010 when I was so unsure of what I was doing and was in a classroom in George Compound listening to these women sing a song that was about a verse in the Old Testament. A verse that was given to me on a rock before I left; a verse I was claiming for myself and for Extending Hands. The rock with the verse was in my pocket that day in the compound when the women were singing the song about 1 Samuel 7:12. It states that "...thus far has the Lord helped us." They needed that verse and so did I. At that moment, God said to my heart, "I have brought you this far, trust me." And so I did, and so we do.
We are so excited about where we are going with International Teams and thrilled to be looking down the road to moving to Zambia full time in 2015! It was great to have some key I-Teams people at our benefit to talk with and speak to our supporters about why these two organizations are combining forces to go and come alongside the oppressed in Zambia. Scott Olson did great not only speaking but playing a little sax with one of the bands. He, along with Ron Bryant (and wives!), put a real face to the organization and allowed people to hear their heart for the oppressed around the world.
The night was such a success due to all our committee members who put in hours and hours of work, money and energy months before hand and the days leading up to and after the event! Rich and Dinah Schisler, Steve Jacobs, Carrie Zamorano, Lisa Kelly, Dana Rasho, Bill and Heather Yoder, Sandy and Phil Woznicki, thank you guys so much! Then to those who helped with stuff as we got closer and the days before and the night of-Mark Filippi, Dan Sorensen, Jeremiah Sorensen, Kyle Stroner, Tom Stroner, Mark Rodgers, Marge and Rich Hamberg, Joyce and John Murphy, Laurie Friedel, Kate Nitsch, The Nulle-Hoxie Family (great desserts!), and I know I need to also mention my kids, Bri, Kate and Carter and Thomas S., Wyatt Y., Emily T., and Dana Rasho's girls for helping as well:) Then there is a HUGE thank you to Tom and Linda Hansen for the farm, the donation of the tables and chairs and all the help leading up to and after the benefit! Then to the Fruins for donating the yummy pig and for getting the piggy to market! This was a big deal as getting the pig in the back of my van could have been ugly! Thanks guys! Gary Johnson did a great job on the pork and beef and the straw bales were loaned by Tom's neighbor down the road. Then to the bands! Wow, if you were there, you know the talent  that night was unbelievable! They all rocked! A BIG thank you to Mandy Z and Rural Route One, The Mark Rodgers Band, Ashley Cleveland, and The Blue Shield Band.
I hope I am not forgetting anyone! The weather was perfect and the setting was great! Had a chance to share our heart and what has gone on over the past year and where we are headed. We are excited about how God is going to continue to support the work of Extending Hands and also for those that will step into a more long term role as monthly supporters of us when we go full time to Zambia. We praise God in advance for all that He is going to do!
I need to say a heartfelt thank you to our board, Sarah Parker and Sandy Woznicki, and my hubby Ben for sitting in meetings and talking about all the tough issues, the nitty-gritty stuff, the planning, the paperwork, the difficult decisions and of course dealing with me! God has so gifted me with you guys and I am grateful for all your thoughts, opinions, ideas and help. It is an honor to have such godly people who want to be a part of God's work in Zambia sitting at one table.
Well, I think that about does it. The pictures we have of the night do not do it justice as it was truly a night to remember with the sunset, the stillness of the air, the subtle candle light and the music. But if you missed the event, here are a few. For more check out our FB page! www.facebook.com/extendinghands

Thoughts on Saying, "Goodbye"

It is increasingly more difficult to get on a plane and come home from doing ministry in Zambia. I know what I leave behind and it is hard to go when there is much to be done. There are people I love and paths to be walked, stories still to be heard and hearts yet to be healed.This trip was challenging and stretching to say the least, but to say the most, it again opened my eyes to a profound truth God wants me to remember.

In our women’s conferences we talk about the 10 truths we need to know and claim. Truths like-I am a child of the Most High God; I am a co-heir with Christ. These are soul changing and heart healing to women who have been oppressed. Truth assures us and gives us a solid place to stand.

 In my “goodbyes” the profound truth that allows me to leave is that God is still there. He has always been there.  His power is at work in our absence. Our time there is not in vain. It will be used by God to have a lasting impact because truth was spoken and love was shown. Jesus came to earth for a short while but had a lasting impact. We know that in His power we go and we leave, we speak and we love, we hug and we hold and God will do the rest.  Keep calm and God will carry on!

For His “hello” is everlasting, His presence all-encompassing and His hope fully sustaining. God never says, "Goodbye".

For now I am gone, but I know who I leave behind, until next time when God allows me back to join Him in Zambia. See, I have the freedom to leave but I am bound to respond to God’s call on my life to return, for my life is not my own. In the meantime, God is comforting those in grief, healing the hearts of the women we talked to, and giving hope to those who need to know that this world is not all there is.

The tree at our conference filled with all the flowers representing the truths the women claimed for themselves.

Expectant...

I don't know if I could have fit anymore meetings, emails, fundraisers, cups of coffee or bottles of Excedrin into the past 6 months! It has been a whirlwind time of preparing for this trip to Zambia! My family and I leave in less than a week and the team meets us there in 3 weeks.

We started out on this journey 8 months ago with the first informational meeting and this past Saturday we had our last official meeting for the team. I am excited to see what God is going to do in and through this team. I am exicited about all the hope that is going to be handed out and the love that is going to be taken in.
I am excited about the awarness that will open the eyes of the women and the transformtion in the hearts of the men. I am excited about a lot of things but I am more than excited, I am expectant for God to show up.

Expectant in the God who has never let me down. Expectant in the God who says He will never leave us nor forsake us. Expectant in the God who can do more than we ask or imagine. A God who is already in tomorrow and knows our needs before we ask for them.  I am expectant in a God who is in the business of restoring lives and breathing hope into dry and tired souls. I am expectant in a God who will heal bodies and mend broken hearts. I am expectant for God to again break my heart for what breaks His. Monday can't come soon enough! Especially can't wait to see this young lady again in the video:)  Just seeing God work in her life makes all the Excedrin and late nights, stress, paperwork and preparing worth it!

On The Edge

The edge-it is a place most people don't like to be, a place that we tell our kids to stay back from. The edge is risky...seemingly precarious; and no, I'm not talking about the guitarist from U2:) I think of my kids when they were younger. They would jump with abandon to the top of a brick wall to teeter across or to the tip of a pier to catch a glimpse of any darting fish. It's funny how when we are younger we don't see the edge as a place of danger but a place of expectation and excitement.

Over the last 5 years, God has led me back to the edge, even though I am not young anymore! To the place where discretion meets reckless faith. Where wisdom seeks courage and hope is in what we can't see as we strain to look over.

I have been asking God the past year or so, for the gifts of wisdom and faith. Two things that could essentially be polarized. Pushing against each other. It would seem sometimes that wisdom deems us gray, with adventures behind us; while faith is stamped on the likes of Moses and Joshua. But I see them as partners in the walk that God has called me to, pursuing the edge knowing that is where God will meet me. It is where He calls my soul, stretching it, growing it so that His hand can be seen.  Following in faith the vision God gave me 5 years ago for Extending Hands, is an adventure I never dreamed of taking on. The mountains, the climbing, the edge are where He now says, "Your home, this is where I want you. This is where your steps of faith have led you." But the edge is just the beginning.The wisdom is in knowing when He is asking me to jump.....

To be or not to be....free, that is.....

I have been thinking since Easter about sacrifice and love; about being willing to give up what we are holding tightly to for those around us. What that looks like and what that means for our own lives. How hard it is in this world, in our society, to give up self, our agenda or our wants and desires.The next step of course, is to lay down our freedom, to become a slave, a slave of the One True God.

I was reading this morning from Revive our Hearts on the qualifications of being a servant and how it goes against every grain of our culture and world. Are we willing to be nothing more than, yet everything we could ever be, in the servant hood of Christ? I am not Kristin Choitz, blah, blah, blah....whatever those titles after my name could be. I am only and from now on, a bond servant of Christ. A slave of Him to whom I owe my life. I want no other title.

It is interesting that in what I do, I talk a lot about women's issues and "freeing" women spiritually and emotionally from abuse, strongholds, and literally from being held captive by prostitution, etc. and in that I am nothing more than a slave myself. One who has given up my right to do as I will. I have FREELY given up the rights to my own life to take that ear piercing as Nancy talked about in Exodus 21:5 in her radio program. To be marked, as one who is owned. She went on to say, that as a servant you would not take on this permanent mark of slavery to a Master unless you believed it was in your best interest. I have to be willing to believe that being a slave of Christ is better than anything else I could want, desire, have, be, own or experience in life. I am marked for all to see and in that, free to live the life God has laid out for me.

Freedom and slavery-two words that do not go together other than in the context of a perfect, loving God. My desire for the women in Zambia is that they would come to know true freedom through being a bond servant, one owned, by the lover of their souls, the One who came as a servant to FREELY die for them and for me and for you. Again, I surrender-I ask you Lord, to pierce my ear, that all may know, I am Yours...

Matthew 20:27-"...and whoever wants to be first must be your slave-just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."